For Jamie

http://www.gabberjaw.com/EvidenceofHumanEvolution(excerpt).mp3

Gabber JaW #173

Without sans compressor show. Skull licking haunted house, Hedda Lettuce drag show. Fausto's iPhone gets good head. A moment of silence for our fucked up legal system (and dentistry).

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Gabber JaW #172

I mispronounce words too! Kid Nation review. The right and wrong of rodeos. Six Sigma?: Sigh. Stumped by Surprises! We like Joe Rogan, in all his varied personas. Abraham Stinklestar wants a job in the entertainment industry. John goes on a bike ride, ha ha ha.

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Gabber JaW #171

Chocolate Root Canal Pulp Fiction. John proposes a non-scary Halloween costume intervention. Cave Wendy on Mars. What instrument should John and Wendy play based on their personality? Scientific American corner. Ultimate Fighter vegan. Kathy Griffin and Jesus thank you for the press. Wendy's dream job finally opens up on the Match Game. "Um...Nah, we're good."

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Gabber JaW #170

Attica! Attica! Attica! Just good ol' boys (one with a country-gross wiener-worn spot) trivia. PooToy (n.); Any frustrating and/or non-functioning item, e.g., iTunes. Fuck you, Steve Jobs. Should we talk more about Psychic stories (or should we know that answer already)? The semantics of spirituality.

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Gabber JaW #169

Alright guys, band meeting... Witness the evolution from cannibal to vegan. Is "Jew" a bad word now? LSD and the apocalypse. Louie Ariola's Artichoke Casserole at Taste of Melrose Park. How to beat the retirement system (hint: it involves suicide). Entrapment or just good times? Flight of the Conchords. "Ouch it hurts my vagina!" Go Kid Nation Go!

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Gabber JaW #168

Longest time without a show comes to an end! (No thanks to Dell!!) "I'm not sure I could fuck something like that for fuck's sake." El Nacho makes a literary guest appearance. 7 seconds of video scars Wendy. "Oh my god, my mom would do whatever my mom would do!"

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Gabber JaW #167

Blame the blue screen of death for the recent lack of shows. There: Wendy said it! Who is this Sean Jean of which you speak? We like iGoogle. Do you care if the government has your DNA? Who in God's name would go to Atheist Day Camp? Louis CK investigates the Catholic Church.

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Gabber JaW #166

You say tomato, I say croissant. Does everyone have cicadas? "this is not the story you think it is." "Where is my dick supposed to go?" Blues Fest gives me the blues. The ethics of sunglasses left behind.

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Gabber JaW #165

Don't touch my glasses, O.K.? The bulleted agenda for today's show:

• Dalai Lama/Lilith Faire,
• IFL fight night/too fat for his chair.

John and Wendy argue over the N-word and the G-word. John finds out that he is as white as they come. "Don't say nothin' about his eye!" Philipino guy rapes retarded girl cause he was "bored". No more peach whole fruit bars??? It's OUTRAGEOUS!!!

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Gabber JaW #164

We've had quite the few weeks. Comedy with shit-faced but funny Doug Stanhope and Dave Atell. The joys of moving (not). Did something happen at Virginia Tech recently?

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Gabber JaW #163

Imus have freedom of speech! John admits that Rosie ain't all bad. Gwen Stefani is dumb. Dalai Lama plus IFL equals yin/yang in May. "I've got mechanical hives." John's about to learn who his ancestors are through the Genographic Project. Top 25 "Guilty Pleasure Bands".

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Gabber JaW #162

It's not easy being made out of bones and meat and electricity. Is God the biggest abortionist? People crowding John. People abusing people. People helping people - with electricity. I actually thought I was going to throw up for a second.

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Gabber JaW #161

More JaW, Less Food. Edy's Whole Fruit Bars and Republic of Tea, are you listening? Update on Bong Hits 4 Jesus. "I meant fag in the retard way, not the gay way." Black Gingers. "We have to accept that we have differences." Ball burning, battery, and stay out of my business. Don't have a job? Have a Wii party! JaW advice for a listener.

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Gabber JaW #160

Right, said Fred. We're moving, and all the fun that comes with that. Promoting homosexuality at school? "Are you the mouse person?" DARWIN comes to Chicago. Mini book review: "Before the Dawn: Recovering the Lost History of Our Ancestors." A bit of Would You Rather.

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Gabber JaW #159

Extra double-flusher comedy. Is that snow in your nose? No, it snot. Bumper sticker philosophy. Is that a baby in your pants? No, its Oprah. Wendy has a sex dream at last. "I really don't care." Criminal intent vs. actual crime.

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Gabber JaW #158

"We're not here because we're greedy, we're just here to feed the needy!" It's all a bed of roses until bad cutoff day. Wendy's left alone for a week and has to call the cops. Sara Silverman Program review. "Eww, who's that??" Little Miss Sunshine review. You say fora, everybody else says forums.

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Gabber JaW #157

Bubble butts and new neural pathways. And crappy audio that we're sorry for. Don't end your sentences with a preposition. What? You said "...audio that we're sorry for." It should be "...audio for which we're sorry". Uh...are you talking to yourself? No, typing. Weirdo.

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Gabber JaW #156

Love me, love my gas. Kidnappings, killings, and dungeons. "I'm gonna go ahead and leave changing the world to somebody else." Cheaters. American Insult. JaW explores porn and motorcycles.

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Gabber JaW #155

JaW's new obsessions. Don't hold your wee. Kidnappings and other fun topics. Waddya want for free?

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Gabber JaW #154

Crunchy joints. "I'm stacking." What happens at Bingo stays at Bingo. Here's a tip for ya'...get a better job. "It is so sad to see a grown man come to work with a sack lunch." Beatles Love Hurts. Wendy gets hives. The Great Spaghetti Sauce Incident of '07. I feel bad that Val Kilmer doesn't have this podcast. Everything comes down to poo -- but you already knew that.

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Gabber JaW #153

Yeah, we're still here, bitches! Xmas show, Gabber JaW style (you know, trashing Christ and making fun of other religions.) Oh yeah, don't get in a car with a Libra.

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Sorry!

This has been the longest time in almost 2 years between podcasts. We have not padfaded - We've just been drowning in some other stuff. Nothing tragic, just a few deadlines all at once (and then the holidays are no help!). Thanks for your patience...XOXO

Gabber JaW #152

Every conversation does NOT have to involve your kid. Samuel Fishburne or Lawrence Jackson? Casino Royale with Cheese. Pulling out of the Podcast Station? What flavor soda pot do you want? "I say you can blow their head off." Didja know Wendy was in juvie for a time? "Kill a baby. Save your boobies."

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Gabber JaW #151

White Wendy and Black Friday. "You don't deserve money cause somebody was mean to you." (Jesse Jackson is an extortionist) Thank You For Smoking review. Law for loans? Space boners for everyone! Click here to get mp3.

Gabber Jaw #150

Doh! J. Creepy is, "C'mon Lover". Turtle soup. Brandy causes a fight at the cooking school. "I've got a caring circumference of about...you." Burrito = sandwich? I think not. I like the crucifix on my windshield. Richard Dryfuss almost motivates John. Going to Vegas for New Years.

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Gabber JaW #149

Gere-ing up for Buddhism? Audiobooks make John a better driver. Some Texans won't do homosexual's landscaping. Other Texans want their students to rush a gunman. "If I go into the city, I want running shoes on in case something goes down." Card signing etiquette at work. Romanticizing the dead. WHO is playing Ozzie???

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CALLING ALL CHEESEHEADS!!

Gabber JaW #148

Something great happened to Wendy today. "Jesus, you're a mess." The "Misuse" of "Quotes". Slick Willy and Mike Ditka call Gabber JaW. Pick the gay actor. "...and not 'cause I don't like Jews -- I just think that's funny." Kanye West is a 'tard. Mini review of The Departed. Wendy goes insane at the end of this episode.

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Gabber JaW #147

Are you picking up the signals? Yogurt causes blindness. The middle part of this episode could be mistaken for Free Talk Live (i.e., your rights are being taken away...). MySpace sucks in every way, but you already knew that. 30 Rock TV show review. Would You Rather game. Is this a live show?

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Gabber JaW #146

Crazy Cat Lady in Jesus wrapping paper. Wendy comes out of the closet. I couldn't come to class; I was having an abortion. Sir Paul can do no wrong, right?. Farrah's stinkstar is bleeding. Dorm decorations. Young John learns how to cup the bishop. Do you grip or slide? Parents don't really know their kids, obvious sex survey shows.

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Gabber JaW #145

Wendy wants John to stop breathing. Mouseschwitz update. PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) rant. It's ok to protest with your bewbs out. News priorities are still out of whack. Let Audrey Hepburn fill the Gap. If you know what you are doing, you don't need a degree. Are you a pothead, Focker? Click here to get mp3.

The Horror Escalates...

Wendy woke this morning to find a dismembered mouse in the middle of the living room floor. Blood on the carpet, head nowhere to be found. Our feline prisoner of war guard, Sunshine (oh, the irony) apparently has a dark side.

(sorry for the blurry pic. I guess the camera can't handle the gore.)

Gabber JaW #144

Hmmm...nice and soft-ware. 1.6 BILLION dollars for You Tube! Pete the Trucker email. Fear Factor at Fright Fest. "Yo! John-ny!" Hey NY Times dewd, I'm waiting for my answer! Embezzle from the Catholic Church? Fair enough! "We don't care, but we care about you!" "Babies really aren't that cute."

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The Horrors of Mouseschwitz

Look, its mouth is still on the trigger. Take that you little shit!

Gabber JaW #143

"Corn was my mortal enemy..." Get ready for the genetic engineering horror stories. "We are fucking MONKEYS!" Our review of The Real Men of Comedy Tour with John Hefron and Joe Rogan, and some non-comic called Charlie Murphy. Is the Rosemont Theater magic? "I just want a fucking job!" Wendy takes political action.

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Gabber JaW #142

You're not from Chicago, man! Expo-sition. Have you eaten yet? Flooded Mouseshwitz, jerky. John screams like a woman. Katie's revenge. Pi bores Wendy. Wikibernia! Where are you??? Wanna trip with JaW to Vegas to see the Beatles thing? Sure you do!

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Gabber JaW #141

Are you there cause you wanna be there? There's a bit of residual lube in there. Everyone had the wrong story... UFC is still fun. Moving rarely solves problems. Oh my god, we missed the "Indian giver" joke! TV programmers don't owe society shit. Drawing cultural battle lines?

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Gabber JaW #140

Guy and Arezoo visit and we drink and we talk and it all ends in a gay kind of way. Sort of. Fun!


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Gabber JaW #139

Let's start with some Weeds. Curry connection. Wendy and the drug deal. A place to learn. Anna Nicole wins one and loses one. Another adventure in Mouseschwitz. Peter Griffin raped. Curse of the cursewords. Little boxes.

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Gabber JaW #138

We are 138! Labor Day, thanks to the KKK. Hey, Steve Irwin, when you poke animals, they poke back. Cruise PR machine hard at work. Depantsing Mike. McMurder. McCrucifixion. Who's your neighborhood character? Pluto yes? Pluto no? "That's why I didn't pay attention in school." Zen gynocology. Goodbye www!

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Gabber JaW #137

What's that smell? Mmmm...sweetbreads! Gay PDA. Corn(hole)fest with extra trampiness. Survivor goes racial - you got a problem with that? Extinction is natural. Wendy dated an Jehovah's Witness who had a cowl neck sweater. Podcasting is our dirty little secret.

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Gabber JaW #136

Gabber Jaw: Number 1 for Number 2! Wendy has bad gas. ...and the new Hobbit baby shall be known as Ethanfrodo! Wendy's recurring dream scares the shit out of John. CNN shows terrorists how to do it better (shouldn't this be against some kind of law??). John has a non-Wendy day with evolution and Mexican food. Mmmm...Egyptian spices... Girl aggression. "Yes, I would eat dog." Listener voicemail! (Is Corby drunk?)

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Gabber JaW #135

Wendy fails to deliver on a promise. John's trip to The Big Easy includes snake-oil psychologists, germaphobes licking video screens, bleached eylashes, Bourbon St. and more. Fun facts about blunts, B-40s, woolies, and happy sticks. How to get a mystical experience by eating fungi. Galena knocks Wendy and John on their ass.

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Gabber JaW #134

"What's my next move?" We are on E! "Fry him! I Need a smoke!" John's brain is melting from chewing gum. "How come your Mom didn't have your ears pinned back?" Pop-up UFC. John hits the Big Easy. Flav-a-poop! Wanna play horseshoes - with your stinkstar?

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Gabber JaW #133

I don't know about this. It feels wrong.

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Gabber JaW #132

JaW have a new compressor, and the audio is a bit "hot" in the beginning, but it gets better a few minutes in. Gabber Jaw = all fat, no meat. Hippo vs. dwarf. Midget vs. dwarf. Midget vs. little person. "Don't turn me around and don't touch the top of my head." Hey Metamucil: bring back original texture! John helps a local Bostonian. World Series of Pop Culture. "When I woke up, my penis and scrotum were burned like hell." John and Wendy consider getting a "companion". "Done, done, done. Me, me too."

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Gabber Jaw #131

One more to go... (Bonus! Find the fart episode) You CAN have too much Kathy Griffin. Clerks II review. Wendy hits the glass. John married up. Best/worst lead singer replacements. There is no god, but you already knew that.

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Gabber JaW #130

Is libertarianism in John's future? We review A Scanner Darkly. Mouser assassination update. Lucky Louie is funny again. The Incredible, Ad-ible Egg! Bye-bye pennies! How to drive the young ruffians out of your neighborhood. "Other animals should just laugh at us and take over." Go to gabberjaw.com/forums and tell us who are the best and worst lead singer replacements in rock history.

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Gabber JaW #129

Wendy's new job -- it's mathelicious! "They were malnourished cause you ripped them from the suckling teat." Reality Bites. "I've never seen a more bloody sporting event. Ever." Last Comic Sitting. Big Brother's back. "I had to listen to the radio. It was horrible." Speaking of abortions... WTF does SPF mean?

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Gabber JaW #128

Only 4 shows left! What's your friggin' million-dollar idea? The Prime Minister of Australia apparently has nothing better to do... Have you seen Jesus' bling-throne? Let's pray in the parking lot. "The End of Faith." Are you mincing? Have you seen Wendy's eye?

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"Adult-sized bangaroo"

Hundreds of people are thronging a hospital in the eastern Indian city of Kolkata to see a patient holding a piece of his own skull that fell off.
Doctors say a large, dead section of 25-year-old electrician Sambhu Roy's skull came away Sunday after severe burns starved it of blood. Full Story!

Gabber JaW #127

Are you listening on your cellphone? John's Dad calls in and talks about not being gay. It takes a letter from Wendy to crush a Village. Not a good way to commit suicide. Wendy's cousin is an ass. Is your Star Trek shirt red or blue? Loosy goosey sphincter song. Did we speak too soon on Lucky Louie? We like Old Country Buffet - what are you gonna do about it?

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Gabber JaW #126

There is beauty in the capri pants. Viral marketing that lays eggs. "I think he's trying to hit on me through you." Public nudity and why seeing your mom naked will make you gay. How big are your thumbs? HBO's Lucky Louie reviewed. Call our Skype Voice mail and maybe we'll play it on the show 773-828-4449.

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Gabber JaW #125

My oh my is it quiet up here. Science news: dwarf dinosaurs, meteorite madness, tainted tissue, and a puffy penis. You have cancer? You'll need this glass dildo! Fastest way to get people on a plane. Is there a job in Wendy's future? Help Skreeech save his house. Power hit ending. Next time we review Lucky Louie (without getting paid). Are you listening HBO??

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Gabber JaW #124

John is a mathtard, but you already knew that. Chicago Blues Fest recap, including: Is It Real?, Black Market Beer Bust, South American Tea Party, Bad Attitude Biker, TEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTEDTED, and Thank You For Pot Smoking!

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